Adventures in Laundry

Dad says that I destroy his laundry. In actuality, I only really destroy wool items, and he is behind me right now harping on that I have now destroyed 6 or 7 of his finest woolen garments. This is all because I have major hang-ups against going to the dry-cleaners, and so I throw them all in the washer. I used to also throw them in the dryer, but I stopped doing that when I started being able to wear Dad's sweaters (at first this was a good thing for me and my wardrobe, but then I started to feel a little remorseful). Anyway, the latest casualty in my accidental crusade against wool is Dad's pair of gabardine wool slacks, which I think he was even planning to wear to his thesis defense. He has had these pants for 5+ years, and they desperately needed washing and even found their way into the hamper, implying that they were meant for the washing machine. Even though I didn't dry them, they are now "6 inches too short" (according to Dad) and reveal the extreme hairiness of his ankles. Dad requests that people suggest ways I can make it up to him.

I am also having major stain issues. I tried applying an OxiClean paste to the grease stains from where Isaac rubs his A&D-lacquered chin on my shirts, but this was ineffective. Also, I can't figure out how to get apricots out of some onesies and bibs. Another mystery -- red sharpie, inked onto one of the tags of a nicer long-sleeve onesie, has bled onto the onesie's fabric. Tips from Domestic Goddesses in this manner are very welcome. Ah, the days before day care, chin rashes, and solid food -- breastmilk was so easily removed from anything.