Keeping our eyes on the prize

Things are pretty hectic around our house right now, with Dad preparing for his dissertation defense in December. He is working night and day trying to prepare TWO publication-worthy papers by the end of this month, which makes all my griping about my one weensy little paper that I am working on now, which has no real deadline, seem pretty selfish.

This is pretty fun for me most days because I get Isaac all to myself, but Dad is still in the house if I need someone to watch him for a minute while I do some chores or take a bath. Dad and I had been arranging for me to stay at work for longer hours, but this has been put on hiatus for awhile while Dad finishes up his degree. When we were doing that, I felt work-great because I get so much done, but I felt Isaac-bad because I didn't spend my usual amount of time with him. It amazes me how fast the hours go when I'm with him, and how easy it sometimes can be to not spend much face-to-face time with the lad. It makes me really grateful we were able to sign up for these swimming lessons, not just because it's fun for Isaac and good exercise for the both of us, but because it's a guaranteed 30 minutes of quality mommy-baby time every week. It also makes me really grateful that we are broke-as-a-joke and can't afford to put Isaac in daycare full-time. Can you imagine? The boy goes to bed at 7:30 every night, and if he were full-time he could stay there till 6. It would be as if these strange ladies, who are all very wonderful and capable human beings, but who obviously do not have a vested biological interest in him, basically as his mommies. I do not understand how other mommies can do it and not cry all day -- that's how I would be, anyway.

Here is our "prize", our fantasy-land that we are setting our sights on in these tougher days where work tends to win out over family and makes us worn out and beaten down. First, the fact: Dad graduates in December, and starts a new position in the new year where he is making lots more money. With this money, we can not only live more comfortably, but also pay off our car and start saving for a downpayment on a home. Now, the fact-tainted fiction: Also this Christmas, Dad starts applying for professorship positions at various universities. If -- no -- when he gets hired at one such position, he starts at the beginning of the school year next September, and we feel this evil rain-magnet town. This means that I get to tell my boss that I am leaving in September whether he likes it or not, and oh by the way I will be needing my Ph.D. too. Then I graduate, we leave, Dad has his cute professor job where he doesn't make so incredibly much money, but makes enough that we can afford a house payment. Most importantly, we can also afford for me to stay home for a few years with Isaac and to additionally get preggers again and pop out another little O'Neal. Ahhhhh -- just thinking of myself, barefoot and pregnant, walking around my own beautiful tiled kitchen, making Cheese & Macaroni from a box for little now-chattering Isaac is almost enough to carry me through each day. Almost. To really get through, I need my boy to flash me a big grin. It's a good thing he's so generous with those.