I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I had THE MEETING with my boss today, to discuss my "Graduation Gameplan". It was a very amicable meeting, and we easily came to an agreement. Because today is Blog in Dialog day...
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Claire: So you see, at my General Exam, we said that I needed to do three things to graduate.
Boss: Oh, I never take those things [meaning General Exams] seriously.
Claire: Oh. Um. Well. Those three things were this, that, and the other. And I have done all three. What next?
Boss: Well, I think that would make a tidy dissertation. First you have to finish your paper about that and the other -- how many papers have you published so far?
Claire: One.
Boss: So you would have two total. I think that could be enough for a dissertation...
Claire: I could elaborate on the that and the other paper in my dissertation.
Boss: Yes. But first let's focus on getting said paper published. Two papers may be enough for your dissertation, but maybe not depending on what you want to do next. Have you thought about it at all? Do you want to get a postdoc, or go to industry, or what?
Claire [and I actually said this]: Well, to be perfectly honest, after I defend and wrap things up in the lab, I want to stay home for two years with Isaac and have another baby....
Boss [quick silence]: Oh.
Claire: ...Then pick up where I left off and maybe stay in academia with a lectureship position or something, where I could work more with people. But I could also see myself in industry later.
Boss: Well, if that is what you want to do, I don't think you will need more than two papers.
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I don't mean to suggest that Boss-Man was implying that the SAHM route is a bad one, or that I really care, since it is obviously up to me and my family to decide that. But it was weird. I've talked many times at home and in fantasies about being a SAHM, but to voice this possibility, aloud, to my boss...it was weird. Suddenly I felt really guilty for wanting to stay home, like I was abandoning women scientists everywhere with my cavewoman-like ideas. I will have a Ph.D.! A career full of intellectual and money-making potential! What am I thinking? I talked with my rotation student, also a woman, about it, and she offered some wise words which I will paraphrase. She said that the whole feminist movement started to make sure that women would always have CHOICES -- for example, whether to work or to stay home and raise the kids. But today it has swung a little far, where men and women (and SAHMs themselves) make SAHMs feel bad for not doing "their part" to be in the workforce. This mentality actually subverts the whole feminist ideal altogether, which was all about having the choice of whether or not to stay home in the first place. And no one should make a SAHM feel bad for choosing to do what's best for her family. This made me feel better.
Oh, and my boss and I agreed that I would graduate next summer. I gotta say it was a good day.
---------------
Claire: So you see, at my General Exam, we said that I needed to do three things to graduate.
Boss: Oh, I never take those things [meaning General Exams] seriously.
Claire: Oh. Um. Well. Those three things were this, that, and the other. And I have done all three. What next?
Boss: Well, I think that would make a tidy dissertation. First you have to finish your paper about that and the other -- how many papers have you published so far?
Claire: One.
Boss: So you would have two total. I think that could be enough for a dissertation...
Claire: I could elaborate on the that and the other paper in my dissertation.
Boss: Yes. But first let's focus on getting said paper published. Two papers may be enough for your dissertation, but maybe not depending on what you want to do next. Have you thought about it at all? Do you want to get a postdoc, or go to industry, or what?
Claire [and I actually said this]: Well, to be perfectly honest, after I defend and wrap things up in the lab, I want to stay home for two years with Isaac and have another baby....
Boss [quick silence]: Oh.
Claire: ...Then pick up where I left off and maybe stay in academia with a lectureship position or something, where I could work more with people. But I could also see myself in industry later.
Boss: Well, if that is what you want to do, I don't think you will need more than two papers.
------------------
I don't mean to suggest that Boss-Man was implying that the SAHM route is a bad one, or that I really care, since it is obviously up to me and my family to decide that. But it was weird. I've talked many times at home and in fantasies about being a SAHM, but to voice this possibility, aloud, to my boss...it was weird. Suddenly I felt really guilty for wanting to stay home, like I was abandoning women scientists everywhere with my cavewoman-like ideas. I will have a Ph.D.! A career full of intellectual and money-making potential! What am I thinking? I talked with my rotation student, also a woman, about it, and she offered some wise words which I will paraphrase. She said that the whole feminist movement started to make sure that women would always have CHOICES -- for example, whether to work or to stay home and raise the kids. But today it has swung a little far, where men and women (and SAHMs themselves) make SAHMs feel bad for not doing "their part" to be in the workforce. This mentality actually subverts the whole feminist ideal altogether, which was all about having the choice of whether or not to stay home in the first place. And no one should make a SAHM feel bad for choosing to do what's best for her family. This made me feel better.
Oh, and my boss and I agreed that I would graduate next summer. I gotta say it was a good day.
posted by Claire at 9:55 PM
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